My Leading Ladies: Honoring the Women Who Have Inspired Me

It’s a beautiful breezy spring evening, and I am sitting at a quaint little coffee shop in South Kolkata, reminiscing about a conversation I had with a friend recently. The friend, a queer-feminist activist, was talking about some of the interesting projects that happened in the city during Women’s Day, when she had asked “Rahul, do you have any women in your life who have left a profound impact on you?”

“Four” I had replied.

As I sit today and reflect back, I have two important things with me – a cup of coffee and a decision. A decision to write about the four revolutionary women who changed the course of my life and shaped me into becoming who I am today.

The first boss. The intimidating teacher. A spiritual mother. A revolutionary lover.

Claudia Wolf – My charismatic first boss

Picture this. A 23-year-old fresher, straight out of college, starting his career as a forensic accountant in the Insurance vertical of Deloitte, US, and put on the crucial, high-stakes 9/11 case. Enter Claudia Wolf – tall, lean, blond, and charismatic Senior Partner at Deloitte, a woman who knows her stuff, means business, and knows exactly how to drive her team! Looking back at my first job, and my incredible luck to have someone like Claudia as my first boss, changed how I work, how I view work, and my very fabric of work ethics forever.

Under her supervision, we were this small team, huddled in one small conference room, working day in and out on the case for about 3 years. During this time, work was as serious and intense, as it was fun! She was super senior to us, yet always approachable, extremely strict, yet very compassionate, caring, friendly, and a lot of fun! I remember, we used to have this regular ritual of fun bets! So basically, starting from skating around Rockefeller Center with bagel on my knees, to getting down on my knees one morning to say ‘Rebecca, you look stunning today!’ – I have done it all!

Another fun story about Claudia was when I, quite frustrated with our small window-less conference room, went up to her and requested if we could shift to a room with a better view. Claudia had simply asked “What kind of view would you prefer Rahul?” We had the Hudson river flowing right across our office so that’s what I mentioned. Claudia then asked me to draw a rough sketch of the view I wanted. I got very excited! A few days later, I took my sketch to her, complete with a view of the river (I had gone to a great spot to sketch this and even used pastels to paint!). “Do you really love and want this view Rahul?” she asked. “Yes!” I exclaimed! “Well, if this is what you want the view to be, you can hang this in front of you and look at it the entire day!” she said before walking away! Oh what a fool I was! This memory still makes me laugh. And no, I didn’t see that coming at all!

So that’s a bit of Claudia for you. As a team, we worked, learned, and thrived in an experience of collective joy of working hard, and partying harder. I respected her, was scared of her, loved her. Still do. And now as a businessman running a successful education business, a lot of how I work, how I view work, how I handle my teams, almost everything has been unknowingly shaped by Claudia Wolf – my first boss.

Dr. Rebecca Stratling – The intimidating teacher!

“35% of you will fail in my class!”  was her very first sentence, on her first day of our class!

Just imagine, me, having worked at Deloitte for so many years, having a successful management institute as a family business back home, going to Durham for my own MBA, and then flunking at Economics?! The shame and panic gripped me!

Simply put – If I’ve ever been sh*t scared of a human being in my entire life, that would be Dr. Stratling! A thin, straight-faced, quite non-fashionably bland, German lady, who could instil the cold clutches of fear and panic, deep into the hearts of students!

Year 2010-2011 was a nightmare for us when it came to Economics. I didn’t really understand much of the subject in class. My fear of her, and the constant ‘fear of failing’ she created, made the situation worse I suppose. But I wasn’t alone. Everyone feared Dr. Stratling.

My fear drove me to limits I hadn’t realized I was capable of. I went to the internet and desperately started researching on the topics! I watched Youtube videos, listened to podcasts, read other books, and practically went crazy doing everything possible so as not to fail!

And finally, when I got my score, I had scored a whopping 69, just one mark short of distinction!! My mental bandwidth, by then, was incapable of believing that I had truly scored 69, so I sincerely went to our dean and told him that there must be some mistake! I was dying to get a 40, so the 69 was a complete shock! But this score was THE big turning point in my life. My entire career move, my entire shift from forensics to education, all sort of started from her, BECAUSE of her.

If Dr. Stratling wasn’t who she was, and didn’t teach the way she did, I wouldn’t have studied the way I did either. Her style of teaching pushed me to go beyond my limits and ultimately helped me in becoming a better learner. This is what made me reflect on how people learn differently, and I proceeded to do my dissertation on the different learning styles of people. My entire journey of getting into the education sector, skills, joining Globsyn, had its flag-off starting position right there in the Economics Class of Durham University.

Mrs. Ranjana Dasgupta – A wise spiritual mother

Mrs, Ranjana Dasgupta, or RDG, as she is lovingly known as, is my mother. She is an integral part of my life, not just because she is my mother, but because of who she is as a person, and what she brings to the world at large – Pure wisdom, values, spirituality.

I think my value system that has developed over the years – what I value, what I feel is right, my priorities, principles, ethics, the lens through which I view life in general, has been shaped by both my parents, particularly RDG.

RDG is a rare woman. She is wise, spiritual, genuine, and authentic, and remains consistently so, no matter what life throws at her. Her greatest quality is that nothing much in the external world can really distract her from her core authentic self. She has brilliant clarity about what is actually important in life.

One of the main things I have learned from RDG is the ability to introspect and reflect. She is a person who will push you to introspect, to find out what works for you, remind you to be true to yourself, and not try to be someone else. It is because of her that I have learned to constantly question myself about who I truly am.

RDG is deeply family oriented and has taught me the importance of meaningful relationships in life. As a mother and son, I feel we share a deep bond that has grown over the years. Whenever I have any conflicting thoughts or emotions, or in case of any spiritual questions, she is my go-to person. And I believe, with age and time, I have also become that person for her. RDG is my safe space. My value-spiritual anchor.

Janine Pakiry – The revolutionary lover

“Hopeless is the man who tries to sum up his wife in a few paragraphs” – Anonymous

And yet, I am about to attempt that!

I met Janine when we were working in Deloitte, US. Janine is from South Africa, and hails from an Indian-origin family. We fell in love and got married in December 2006. Janine has been the biggest inspiration in my life. And not necessarily because of what she has done for me, but primarily because of how she has lived her own life. Her unwavering commitment to her family, her parents, her work, her relationships, and to her own self is truly inspirational. But most importantly, for me, Janine has shown me and taught me what true love is, or should look like.

We have a long-distance relationship. In our 18 years of marriage, we have lived on separate continents and just meet a couple of times every year! But we still have the same emotion and intensity of love and care! It’s rare, and it’s beautiful!

I used to be a very different person twenty years back. A typically immature guy, unknowingly a bit patriarchal too. And hats off to Janine for not losing herself then, going out and rediscovering her space, and yet not giving up on our relationship. At 44, I feel I’ve come a long way, and the only reason I was able to evolve, was because she inspired me enough to make that change.

The amount of independence and space Janine has given me, to live my life the way I want to, has helped me self-discover. If she calls me and I happen to be busy, she will immediately reschedule. And this level of respect has always been there between us, which has helped us grow, both as individuals, as well as in the relationship. Janine has taught me that love has got absolutely nothing to do with distance. It is all about respect and trust. And the byproduct of these two is love.

As a couple we decided not to have any children. Even though both of us loved kids, we decided not to have any, since we were living in two different countries. Instead, today, we have our own foundation, the Janine and Rahul Foundation. Both of us deeply care about giving back to the society, and we want JRF to be the legacy we leave behind in this world, together.

In a world that constantly pushes you into believing in, and living one kind of love, I find peace in the bond that Janine and I share. I love her, and I’m grateful to the universe for having her as my life partner.

So, here’s a bit about Claudia, Rebecca, Ranjana, and Janine – the four leading ladies of my life, who helped me in becoming who I am today.

“Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.”  – Amy Rees Anderson