Relationships and Other Stuff

People have often wondered about what a perfect relationship is or what kind of relationship would allow them to live their lives to the fullest, where they feel a sense of existence and connectedness.

In my experience, there are fundamentally two types of relationships that exist in this world. Ie. givers and receivers. When you’re a giver in a relationship, and your partner is the same you coexist in a partnership where both people are happy with each other’s existence regardless of the differences between them. Such people are often referred to as spiritual partners. One kind of relationship is where you try to fill your own void through your connection with another person. In such relationships, you are essentially bridging the gap between what you have and what you want by some giving, but mostly receiving.

The other kind are receivers, where two people exist in each other’s life to fulfill certain unfinished desires that they have been yearning for since their childhood. Oftentimes in such relationships, both people have an unsaid expectation of fulfilling each other’s void as they travel their journey together. Both kinds of relationships have their own merits but they may come with different lifestyle outcomes.

The Theory of Traditional Relationships

People get attracted to three things in a relationship i.e. physical. Usually, there is a physical attraction, an emotional connection, and a spiritual partnership. Each relationship gives a different importance to each of the above.

Usually “but not always” people get physically attracted to someone, followed by a strong emotional connection, and very rarely does that lead to a spiritual partnership. Most relationships in my experience form this way and break this way. Predominantly this is seen amongst receivers. Although some givers may also have similar patterns.

Relationships for Receivers

Relationships exist in various forms- romantic relationships, companionships, intimate relationships, and deep friendships. In each of these forms of relationships, a receiver is always trying to take something to give something back. Many of these conditioned relationships don’t have love at their core. Because love can only exist when you are giving and not taking.

These relationships have their need in society but oftentimes are short-lived as peoples’ needs and wants keep evolving. So there tends to be a situation amongst receivers where they exist but their relationship doesn’t. In most such cases the relationship is created by one’s false existence (ego), which tries to protect the individual, and not by its core self.

The Flow in a Receiver’s Relationship

If you refer to figure 1b the relationship flows from either an emotional attachment or a physical attraction towards a spiritual connection. However, most fail to ever form a spiritual connection since they do not come from a place of giving.

When the receiver’s ecosystem starts cracking, the relationship starts to crack in the exact same flow as well. At first, you physically disconnect, then you emotionally disconnect and you don’t have a spiritual connection so the relationship breaks.

In many cases, if a couple has moved on to have families, many of them exist by compromising because of their family structure and responsibilities rather than their relationship or the love they share for each other.

I think most friendships, companionships, fleeting intimacies, and romantic relationships fall under relationships built on a principle of receiving. Traditional relationships such as these stand on a certain give and take. If you are in a romantic relationship, then you are in it with the expectation of receiving love, warmth, and affection. When you are intimate with someone, you expect an element of physical give and take.

In all relationships, you expect a certain level of respect. You expect a strong sense of commitment and support. There is an attached expectation of having your back, no matter what.

Relationships for Givers

In such relationships, there is very little expectation that two people have from each other. After all, their journeys are very different from each other. It is just that they choose to travel their journeys together. Givers in relationships are basically people who are self-content. Their ego is kept at bay in lieu of their strong sense of respect, forgiveness and gratitude for themselves. I wholeheartedly believe that you can only be giving in a relationship when you love yourself.

The Flow in a Giver’s Relationship

Once you connect on a spiritual level, which is when two people share the same goal, you transcend into the other physical and emotional components, as shown in figure 1a. I think that only happens for givers.

If you look at any romantic relationship like marriage, for example; people don’t seem to understand that it is a sense of giving that is paramount. Not whether the people in that marriage live long-distance or right next to each other. There is this feeling that the normal thing is for your partner to be next to you all the time, constantly. I don’t think that is the way to look at relationships. I believe relationships should be built with a giving sense of self. Not with a sense of expectation.

Relationships and I

As I said before, there are many different kinds of relationships between people. You have some people whose connections do not move further than their need for intimacy. It is drawn from a physical level, to receive. Then there are those who might never come together in the same room, and yet have the strongest of emotional connections between them. As they come from a place of giving.

So what type of relationship works best for you? Which is the right one and which is the wrong one? A physically attentive one? An emotionally invested one? A spiritual connection with a sense of giving?

I have realized that a lot of this is like a diet. So what happens to be the right diet for you might not be the right one for me. it might not work out the way you want. After all, we are all on our own varied journeys of understanding ourselves. This just goes to show that our compositions are very different. Our compositions are who we are. They are the combination of our personalities and our soul.

“Personality is all about the ‘I’ whereas the soul understands that there is no ‘I’”

If you can set aside your false sense of self, your ‘I’, I believe you become capable of even more love. Thus bringing a significantly strengthened relationship to the fore, without the fear of what society thinks or the insecurities of the flesh. Relationships that are built on a giving self. Hence, introspecting and ascertaining whether you are a giver or a receiver. And that is one of my soulful epiphanies.